Phenomenal Woman

Yes. That’s what I am. But I seem to have forgotten this. I’ll be honest. The trials and tribulations that I have survived over the last several years have made me forget that God made me in His image and that I am still special. Despite everything. After some reflection and really taking some time to be honest with myself, I realized that I am carrying some serious baggage. Disappointment, Fear, Shame, Guilt, Insecurity, Laziness, Indecisiveness, Resentment, Disorganization, Negativity are all some of the things that fill the compartments of the baggage that has been weighing me down.
Fear to just live my life-scared of flying, scared of driving too fast, scared of what people will say if I do this, scared to really love and let go, scared to get too comfortable with anyone/anything, scared of stepping out on faith at times, scared of this, that and the other. Inability to make a decision because I’m too busy thinking of the previous mistakes/decisions that I have made or worrying about what people will think. Guilt that I’m SO unorganized, that I don’t have more patience, that I’m not a “cook 7 days a week type of wife”, that I don’t have craft activities and play dates arranged for my children, that I am not Supermom, and instead am much more like her very distant cousin, Slackermom. Insecurity because I’ve began to measure myself by the standards of this world, because I’ve forgotten the true Queen that I am. Shame due to past mistakes that I’ve made, when without some of those very mistakes, I would not be where I am today. And on and on and on and on.
I’m sick of it all. It’s too heavy and I won’t-can’t do it anymore. So piece by piece, I will be letting this baggage go, I’m leaving it in 2008. Starting fresh in 2009. I am now officially Desperately Seeking Dana, the one that I used to know and love and cherish, before the baggage began to overtake her.
God help me to leave the past in the past and to stand on my own 2 feet and take action.
Thank God for me falling down and having to fight to stand, b/c it made me stronger and smarter and showed me that I am indeed a fighter. It is okay to fall down sometimes. It hurts, but it’s okay. That is the only way to really appreciate when you start to stand again. And thank God that I do have some of the “slacker” traits that I do have, it makes parenting more fun for me. The floor in my kitchen may need sweeping, but my children are VERY much loved and taken care of. I’m definitely going to buy and embrace Muffy Mead-Ferro’s “Confessions of a Slacker Mom” in the next few weeks for sure and be proud of who I am. I also need to stop worrying about my fears and face them head on. Realize that my circumstances are just that, circumstances, and do NOT define who I am. I must stop agonizing about what might happen and simply decide how to handle it if “it” does happen, and then move on and enjoy my life. Also, the mistakes that I have made do not undo the good that I have done in my life.
In addition, I must remember that there is nothing that I can’t get through without God and my faith. During the storms, He has always covered me with His grace and love, and always made provisions for me. Instead of dwelling negatively on those hard times in the valley, I need to be proud that I made it out, that I am a fighter, and determine how to learn from and to be better because of it. An entrepreneur that I very much admire, Ms. Eddie, (www.fabulousblackwoman.com, Sweet Nature by Eddie, Owner/Operator) recommended the book by Iyanla Vanzant's "The Lessons in the Valley", so I will also be checking that book out next year as well.
I forgive the people who have hurt me, purposefully as well as unintentionally, I really forgive them and pray for them. If it wasn’t for some of the hurtful things that they did to me, I would not be where I am or who I am now. God closes some doors to open new ones. I will not dwell so much on the hardships, the pain, the hurt. Instead I choose to journal about the good in my life, the blessings that He continues to bestow on me, big and small. As another woman that I respect and admire, Dr. Hunter, told me, “Don’t let doubt cripple you, stop living in the past, don’t miss your miracle because of fear. Step out in faith and don’t be in the same place next year this time, because of your fear.” She’s right. God has spoken to me about several things that He has for me, things that I will do in my future. In the past, time and time again, I have fallen back to that defeatist thinking. Me, Lord, with all of my imperfections? No More. I have GOT to start listening to what He tells me about my life and believing it. I’m also going to be finally making my own Vision Board. YYEEAAHH!!! I’ve thought about it for some time and finally decided-why not? I really think that I might enjoy doing this. So, I’ll be looking into the John Assaraf products next year too.
Negativity, Fear, Insecurity, Doubt,Shame,Resentment, etc.,etc.,—ALL of it is so OUT.
Optimism is IN.

God has blessed me to have wonderful, smart, strong women in my life. Several of them have inspired me to remember that I am indeed a phenomenal woman, my mother being the greatest of them all. Her best advice has always been to pray and give it to the Lord to handle. So I’m doing just that. I’ve realized that I’ve got to let go of this baggage in order to move ahead and to continue to be blessed in my future. This may be an arduous task making this shift to a better me, but I’m truly and finally up for my portion of it. More than anything, I want the queens and the beauty that I see in my children to reflect in their eyes when they look at me.
So………I’m back baby!!! (Or I am coming back, anyway, maybe slowly, but surely!)
I'm a Fighter. I'm a Survivor. I'm a Phenomenal Woman.
As always, I love and miss you Jamie.
Peace, Blessings, and a Happy New Year!!!!!
D